


Aw Hell No!

by Apollon_Mousagetes



Category: Agents of Mayhem (Video Game), Saints Row
Genre: Gen, In which I want to make a story where Persephone gets annoyed, No Romance, Still hilarious tho, The story will get more ridiculous, i need to think of better tags here, pure humor, well more like the romance will not be the main focus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26598055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apollon_Mousagetes/pseuds/Apollon_Mousagetes
Summary: Persephone Brimstone always gets what she wants. No one ever denies her because she always made an offer they can't refuse. It's true. Look, all of her Agents are those who never reject her offers-- and even the most reluctant like Rama joins MAYHEM. So what would happen when Persephone meet someone who doesn't want to have anything to do with MAYHEM or the LEGION vs MAYHEM conflicts in general? Someone who not only too unpredictable, but has the potential to surpass her? Meet Lyssa Thorne, leader of the Saints in Steelport. Yep, that's right. Third Street Saints does exist, but it's in Steelport, not Stilwater.
Kudos: 5





	1. Meet The Boss

**Author's Note:**

> When the devs said that Agents of Mayhem was set in a universe where the Saints doesn't exist in Stilwater, they didn't say the Saints shouldn't exist in anywhere but Stilwater, right? Or maybe the Saints isn't exist in anywhere in that universe? I kind of lost there. So yeah, the Saints do exist, but as a gang in a different city. And it kind of irked me that the devs never mention Steelport in AoM at all.

_I was a nobody._

_From a family of nobodies._

_I was just someone who once lived a peaceful life in Stilwater. With big dream in my head and all those sappy wishes that you all probably laugh if you know. But I left it all for some stupid gang wars that rampaging all over the town._

_You think I was scared when I flee to Steelport? No. I left Stilwater with anger. I swore back then to come back stronger. Better._

_I build my own gang in Steelport. The Third Street Saints, after the failed gang that tried to rise back in Stilwater and after the name of the street where I grew up. We grew stronger as we take over every district in Steelport, until the city belongs to us. One and only. I built my own reputation. Butcher of Steelport has a nice ring to it._

_Imagine my surprise when I found out that my best friend back in Stilwater managed to not only stop those gang conflicts, he became the greatest leader of the Vice Kings—with Westside Rollers and Los Carnales allied with him. Oh well, Pierce is always the better negotiator from the two of us. Then again, I’m already too comfortable in Steelport and I don’t have any plan to come back to Stilwater anytime soon, even if Pierce already begged me to come back._

_But then that Devil’s Night came..._

_Those morons in that shiny suit of futuristic armors and laser guns tried to invade Stilwater. Luckily, Pierce and I already made an alliance between the VKs and the Saints long before. We literally crushed them all with our combines forces and thanks to Pierce’s ambush strategy and my skill in combat, we beat their asses out of our hometown._

_It appears our success had not only left a lasting impression to the LEGION Minister who led the attack of Stilwater, it led Persephone Brimstone, former of that LEGION Minister trying to recruit both of us for her MAYHEM._

_She had recruited Pierce, and now she wants to recruit me._

_If what Pierce was saying is true, no one ever decline her offer._

_Well then, perhaps I shall be the first one to do so. Why would I want to join an organization to fight off LEGION, if I already have a gang that able to do more than capable to do so? What does she have to offer to me that I don’t have?_

_I knew she was very deadly, but I don’t think she can face against something that she_ can’t _predict. Something that even she_ doesn’t _want to face._

_Let’s see how Persephone Brimstone fares against me then._

* * *

“Wait, what? You’re not joking, Pierce?”

**“I never joke about this, Lys! It’s true, Persephone wants you on the team.”**

“But you already told her that I _don’t_ want to, right?”

**“I already did! I even put some nice Powerpoint presentation of you want nothing to do with MAYHEM, with bullet points and cool animations, but I think I angered her instead...”**

“Goddamnit, Pierce! Now she’s on her way here?”

**“Tomorrow actually. You better prepare yourself, Lyssa, cuz’ Persephone Brimstone is one of the most dangerous people on Earth.”**

“* _snort*_ Not if I can help it!”

**“I know that tone... Lyssa, are you planning for something? Something devious?”**

“You know me. I always wondering how tough she is... when facing against me, the Mistress of Humiliation?”

**“Pfft...WHAT? No way! You want to prank Persephone Brimstone?! To annoy her?”**

“Hell yeah!!”

**“Aw man, I wish I can see you pull that off tomorrow! Promise me you’ll record her reaction?”**

“I’ll even post it on WeTube! Wonder how many views I will rake.”

**“Oh, I will definitely watch that! Oh hey, I’ll call you again later. Bye. _*click*_ ”**

Lyssa Thorne smirked as she put down her phone. She always annoyed with people that already have everything, yet still wants more things and they won’t have it if things don’t get in their way. Persephone Brimstone is one of those people. Definitely. If Pierce’s description of her is true. And also, the fact that lady had the audacity to also use purple Fleur-de-lis logo—the logo that is used by her gang-- as MAYHEM logo, pissed her off. She used it first, damn it! Now, everyone keeps associating her Saints with MAYHEM even though there’s no connection between them at all.

That's it. Lyssa will take her down a peg. Or two. Or infinity.


	2. DOG PILE!

Apparently, Pierce had forgot to tell her that Persephone Brimstone is the ‘show up unexpectedly’ type person. Or maybe he already hinted that. Lyssa was not happy with the idea of someone to just show up on her doorstep and tell her what to do.

So, when the next day came—and before Brimstone to appears, Lyssa decided not to be on the Saints’ Penthouse and instead went to someplace more public. Steelport has many places to go after all.

Also, Lyssa was currently in the mood for some Freckle Bitch’s. No one can deny her chance to get her hands on one of their burgers.

So now she was eating a burger, with her Saints (acted as her bodyguards, because there is possibly a chance for an attack from some rival gangs), while the day was positively bright—or gloomily cloudy if you squint your eyes enough around Steelport’s industrial district.

She was drinking her shakes when she spotted a particular someone from a distance. Someone wearing an elegant black dress and this person is heading on her way.

“Oh wow, I can’t believe it,” Lyssa rolled her eyes in annoyance as she realized who that person in the distance is. “how in the world Persephone Brimstone knows where I am right now? I never write where I’m going to do in notes, right?”

“Boss, you told Jenny that you will be in Freckle Bitch’s all day this morning.” One of her gang members pointed out. Jenny is her assistant that help her with schedules and paperworks—yes, leading a gang also included with paperworks.

“And you brought us with you. It’s not that hard for her to find you with all of us here.” The other also told the obvious fact. They are the only group wearing purple in the fast-food joint after all.

Lyssa groaned. “Shit. I should’ve been more inconspicuous.”

But then, an idea sparked on her mind. She grinned maliciously. “Guys! Let’s go to Let’s Pretend!” following that, she mouthed _“Let’s play some hide and seek with Persephone Brimstone. Third Street Saints style!”_

Her Saints nodded and they quickly take off with their vehicles, leaving everyone in vicinity wondering why the Saints leader and her gang just leave like that.

Persephone frowned as she saw her future recruit suddenly gone from her sight.

* * *

Lyssa’s plan was even further developed during their trip to the well-known costume shop. She told her gang members to buy as many ridiculous costumes and they must wear it before leaving the store. Some of the Saints were confused—but then again, this is their Boss. She always thinks _strange_ things.

As most of the costumes are the one with closed masks, their identities will be well hidden—unless someone knocked their masks off. Some of Saints also got wear a costume as a purple energy drink for some really odd reason.

“Well, Saints,” Lyssa opened her speech, and she was in a costume of a purple bulldog. “All of you must’ve known that I am about to be recruited by Persephone Brimstone for her MAYHEM.”

They nodded.

“And you all know that I don’t want to join MAYHEM, because being the leader of the Saints is way more badass than being a lackey to a former LEGION minister—no matter how ‘repent’ Brimstone admitted, I believed that she treats her Agents like her old Ministry.”

They nodded again, with more eager because... duh! Being the Saints is way better than joining some sort of international agency! And their Boss is way cooler than that old—former bad guy—lady.

“Now, I want you all to cause as many ruckuses around Persephone Brimstone as possible, until she—well if it is _possible_ —scared enough and finally leave me alone. Then again, Pierce said that she is the toughest woman on the planet, so that _may_ be impossible. We won’t know until we try, right?”

“What kind of ruckus, Boss?” One of her Saints—dressed as giant hotdog—raised her hand.

That’s when Lyssa’s grins turned downright evil.

* * *

Chasing one Lyssa Thorne was quite troublesome, Persephone had to admit.

One of her intel had informed her that Ms. Thorne was seen in a fast-food joint in Steelport along with her gang members—Persephone frowned at the thought of recruiting a new Agent in the same terrible excuse of a restaurant, it reminded her of the time she recruited Pierce Washington to her cause. At least Agent Kingpin was easier to approach and more _manageable_.

But his demands for finer things like new shoes, sound system, and other kinds had peeved her off.

Persephone smiled as she finally spotted Thorne, sitting in that horrible food place. But then, the girl seems to saw her and after whatever she said to her squads, they immediately took off and left without letting Persephone a chance to meet her! Persephone gritted her teeth in annoyance. It seems, Thorne will be another of those ‘HR Nightmare’ Agents—like Daisy, Hollywood, and Gat—for being a cop, he was more vicious as he inflicted more collateral damage than other Agents can cause.

Naturally, she ordered her driver to follow them. Which lead her to... a costume shop? Persephone was confused. She decided to enter the shop.

She was immediately ambushed by group of costumed people. Their costumes ranging from fuzzy animals, food items, superheroes, to... er... Persephone guessed that one unfortunate young man must’ve been forced to dress as a mix between female nurse and a pirate—if that was possible.

“DOG-PILE!!”

The last thing Persephone Brimstone saw was darkness as she had the terrible fortune of being dog-piled by dozens of costumed people.

Unknown to the poor lady, a purple bulldog had sneaked out and tell the rest of the costumed Saints to prepare to shoot Persephone with water gun, if she by a chance of miracle manage to escape from ‘the dog-pile’. Preferably fire-hose if they can find it. One of the Saints had brought camera with her as she recorded everything right now. Lyssa had made it clear that the Saints MUST run before Persephone Brimstone has a chance to get them. No one wants to go against the most dangerous person on the planet after all.

Oh, and Lyssa also has several female Saints dressed up as her, and when Persephone-- by some even greater miracle-- manage to escape not only the dog-pile, but ALSO being fire-hosed... well, they served as decoys to keep Persephone busy by chasing each of them around the city. There will be 10 'Lyssa' and they will keep Brimstone busy until the old lady realizes that NONE of them are the future recruit she was looking for!

 _‘I hope this will irritate Brimstone enough that she wouldn’t dare to think that she can recruit me.’_ Lyssa thought as she drove away—after she heard the sound of gushing water followed by a loud scream of indignation. 

But she had a feeling that this is only the beginning.


	3. Paint Galore

There are few people that had annoyed Lyssa, to the point that she wants to put a bullet in between their eyes:

  1. Her ex-roommate back when she was in Stilwater University.
  2. Her and Pierce’s old homie, Dex. (backstabbing bastard)
  3. Sometimes Luz—only when she was being ‘shoes-hoarding-maniac’.
  4. Warren Williams—she doesn’t care if he’s Pierce’s second-in-command, but him eying at her as if she were a piece of meat makes her want to kill him with her bare hands. (Tanya stated that she wants to rip his balls off first before Lyssa _does_ kills him. Without anesthetic.)
  5. Killbane, leader of the rival gang ‘The Luchadores’—thank God, he’s dead now.
  6. Cyrus -motherfucking- Temple, the guy that once tried to decimate her Saints with his elite paramilitary police. (he died and his group disbanded after the Devil’s Night destroyed them before they could fight back)
  7. That rude ‘On the Rag’ cashier guy. (she never even shops in his store!)
  8. That one ginger cat that keep stealing her grilled cheese in her Penthouse (how that cat can get into her Penthouse, she had no idea)



And now, Lyssa without a doubt about to put the name Persephone Brimstone on her list. Why? Because of that old lady persistence to recruit her into MAYHEM. Apparently being dog-piled and fire hosed by her Saints (and chasing around her doppelgangers) did not deter her a bit. It only makes her even more wanting to enlist Lyssa as her new Agent.

“I don’t get it. Why she still wants me to be her Agents? Why she’s not mad after things that I pulled off yesterday?“ She asked Pierce, during his visits to Steelport. They were in Broken Shillelagh, drinking.

How Pierce able to go to Steelport without Persephone Brimstone knowing? Well, he just gave excuse to Friday that he wants to see his gang—and make sure they don’t defect to LEGION. The perk of being a gang leader...

“Persephone was impressed with how you able to quickly evade her and made a plan while on the move to keep her at bay,” Pierce explained as he drank his beer. “she stills annoyed that she was dog-piled and soaking wet yesterday though. At least her dress is water-proof—have no idea how’s that possible.”

Lyssa facepalmed. “I can’t believe THOSE actually impressed her instead of annoys her. I ended up being the one annoyed.”

She fumed at that. She couldn’t believe someone amused with her rather... _questionable_ plans. For a moment, Lyssa thought that Persephone Brimstone must be really crazy to try to recruit her into her organization after what happened yesterday. Then again, Brimstone WAS a LEGION minister. Someone must be truly mad with power if they want to join LEGION in the first place.

Pierce shrugged. “At least you didn’t anger her. Persephone is one hell of a scary lady when she’s angry.”

“I guess that’s a good thing?” She frowned, until one of her Saints suddenly rushed into the bar.

“Boss! Boss!”

“Hey, what’s with the running?” she asked.

Her Saint pointed outside. “Brimstone is spotted five blocks away! She’s on her way here!”

Both Pierce and Lyssa spat out their drinks.

“Oh shit! If Persephone finds out I’m here, I’ll be dead!” Pierce exclaimed.

“Then go back to your base! I’ll handle her!” Lyssa stated.

“Right.” Pierce then grabbed his Helleporter device and he's safely teleported back to the ARK.

“That’s actually pretty handy,” Lyssa muttered. She then turned to her gang. “Alright, let’s do the plan B.”

“What’s the plan B?”

“Goddamnit! I thought I already briefed that to you this morning!”

* * *

Persephone Brimstone was confused of the sudden traffic jam, only to found out that there’s a parade happening in the Steelport.

“I don’t recall there is a parade here?” She asked. And then she concluded that this must be the work of Lyssa Thorne. Persephone had to admit if Ms. Thorne could put all those effort against LEGION...

_‘Morningstar would no doubt surrendering himself immediately, if Ms. Thorne has anything to do about it.’_ Persephone thought.

Then suddenly, someone throw a smoke grenade mixed with a sleeping gas into her car.

Persephone’s eyes widened, but she was too late to try to escape from her car as both items exploded right in front of her.

Her driver was knocked out by one of the Saints and pulled out from his spot when that happened.

* * *

“Boss, what should we do now?” Her Saints asked, after they drove the car to faraway location, away from Steelport.

Lyssa nodded to the other Saints that drive the car before she answered. “Have you got the paints that I asked this morning?”

“Um... yes? Why?”

Lyssa grinned evilly.

“I heard paintball is currently popular again these days.”

“You want us to throw paints on Brimstone?”

“Well, that’s what I said, right?” Lyssa then pour one purple paint on top of Persephone’s unconscious head. “Now come on.”

Her Saints each grabbed a can of paint. Turns out, some of her Saints have talent in art. Who knew?

“Um... Boss?”

Lyssa groaned. “Ugh... What is it now?”

“How do you get a parade coming to Steelport?” Another of her Saints asked.

“...actually, I didn’t know there’s going to be a parade.”

* * *

Pierce was snickering when he made a call to her.

**“Holy shit, Lys. I can’t believe you’re crazy enough to put paint on Persephone in multiple bright colors!”**

“Also got pictures of it too! You want some?”

**“Nope, because I already seen it with my very own eyes. Everyone on the ARK is still laughing ever since Persephone came back, covered in dozens of different colors. I think someone actually screaming something about ‘a walking Christmas tree’ when she passed them.”**

“I should’ve taken Art Major back when I was in Stilwater...” Lyssa muttered. “why the hell did I choose Economy again?”

**“If I remember correctly, you were persuaded by Shaundi. And because you said that guys in Economy Major were hotter than Art Major...”**

“Uugh... Why do you have to remember that?”

**“You two basically said that every time Tanya or Lin or Donnie or Price asked you about it.”**

“Fine. So back again to our current topic... do you think my latest stunt will be enough to keep Persephone away from me? For like... I dunno... forever?”

**“...”**

“Pierce? What’s with the silent?”

**“You’re not gonna like this... but Persephone is going to come directly to your Penthouse tomorrow.”**

“GAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!”


	4. A Complete Lockdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue about security hacking, so the ones here are bunch of made-up.

“Ah come on, Matt! What do you mean you can’t help me?” Lyssa whined through her phone.

**“ _*sigh*_ Lys, first, I’m with MI6 now. Second, I don’t have enough free time like I used to. Third, how in the world you’re able to contact me through this _number?!_ ”**

“Asha was visiting last week, and I just asked her.”

**“Gahh! I still can’t believe you’re able to befriend our top agent in MI6 without getting killed. It took me 2 YEARS to be able to get Asha to stop using me as her punching bag. And another 2 years to be able to call her by her first name.”**

“Well, I’m just too likable I guess.” Lyssa shrugged.

**“...right. So, what is this I heard about you getting recruited to MAYHEM?”**

She was frowning. “I’m NOT joining MAYHEM. So far, I managed to get myself far away from Brimstone long enough to not get recruited.”

**“Oh. How did you do that?”**

“Annoying her until she tires or angry at me to finally stop trying to get me into her organization. Well, what do you think?”

**“Mrs. Brimstone has the reputation of being relentless. I’m afraid that you will get nowhere by denying her offer. Or worse.”**

Lyssa just rolled her eyes. “Whatever. It’s not that Brimstone is the first person of being too stubborn for their own good. Remember Killbane?”

**“ _*shudders*_ Yeah, I guess you’re right. But unlike Pryor, Persephone Brimstone is less brash and more... manipulative.”**

“Hmm, Pierce said almost the same thing about her. He said that Brimstone is too calculating and too cunning.”

**“Exactly. That’s why it took like several decades to finally able to capture her. But then again, it was because she _wanted_ to be captured.”**

Lyssa actually paled at that. _What_ the hell is she? It was general knowledge of how Persephone Brimstone was one of the infamous thieves and even she was very popular amongst people with criminal backgrounds. She can understand for being too slippery to be caught for several years, but for fucking _decades?_ Jesus, it was as if Brimstone was some sort of a mythical figure for thieves! And as what Lyssa had seen on TV, she doesn’t look like she aged at all!

“Matt, you’re not exaggerating right? Are you saying that she’s some sort of an immortal or something?”

**“Well, give me a logical explanation on how in the world LEGION had been exist for decades without us knowing it, with THE SAME members for many years.”**

“...point taken,” Lyssa muttered. “So... I guess I need to find myself another hacker to help me.”

**“By the way, why do you need my help on the first place?”**

“I kind of want you to hack into MAYHEM’s ARK system and basically force it to lockdown so Brimstone wouldn’t be able to get out...”

**“...”**

“...”

**“...Lyssa, has anyone ever tell you that you’re _batshit_ crazy?”**

“Come on, Matt! Hey, I will give you that limited gold edition of Nyte Blayde season 7 if you do it!”

**“...”**

“... it’s included with a deleted sex scene between Nyte Blayde and the Bloody Canoness.”

**“Hell yeah! I’ll do it!”**

* * *

Kinzie Kensington, once an FBI Agent now Agent Safeword to MAYHEM was irritated. Someone had the audacity to lock every Helleporter access in the ARK, and now no one able to leave the ARK until either she managed to delete whatever this computer virus that suddenly inhabited the ARK’s mainframe or the hacker themselves finally remove their virus—if they want.

She’s not irritated with the virus though, no, she’s annoyed that everyone accused her to be the one to do that on the first place, due to her reputation of hacking everyone personal files.

And she’s also terrified since Persephone is currently contemplating whether to maim her or not if she doesn’t succeed in stopping the virus.

“Agent....” Persephone hissed. “did you finally find out who’s the one responsible for this... _nuisance_?” She motioned to the lockdown situation in the ARK. Some Agents remain calm, but others were anxious—to the point of fighting amongst others, blaming each other for the situation they’re currently in.

Safeword gulped. “This is not LEGION’s work.”

“Obviously.” Persephone rolled her eyes in annoyance. Well duh! Persephone was former LEGION. She knows every LEGION’s tactics.

“Um... I managed to trace the code. Apparently, it was coming from some abandoned building in industrial district--- oh shit.”

“What is it?”

“The hacker disguised his signal by being near a nuclear powerplant!! He also connected his codes around the powerplant’s mainframe as a fucking detonation’s trigger! I can’t attack them unless someone manually insert my code to the hacker's system and if I attack immediately, I will accidentally trigger a nuclear meltdown!”

Persephone then turned to glared to her Agents. “Agent, you know what to do.”

“... sitting here waiting for the lockdown to be lifted? Sure...” Kingpin stated, sarcastically. “Just for your info, we’re _stuck_ here until whoever that hacker is releases us.” His statement incurred several nods from Agents that able to see the irony of that.

Persephone cursed in long-string of French words.

* * *

Meanwhile in the Saints Penthouse, Lyssa was sunbathing near her pool as she laughed at the floating ARK above the city.

“Man, I should’ve ask Matt to do that long ago,” Lyssa sipped her cocktail. She then shouted at the view of the floating mobile fortress. “HOW’S IT HANGING, BRIMSTONE? ENJOY THE VIEW? OOPS, I’M SORRY! YOU CAN’T BECAUSE ALL OF THE WINDOWS WERE CLOSED SHUT! MWAHAHAHAHA!!”

“Lys, stopped screaming! I’m having my tan here!” a woman exclaimed besides Lyssa.

“Sorry, Shaundi...”

But then she just shrugged as she happily relaxed under the bright sun. Enjoying the moment of Freedom from The Stubborn-Old-Lady. Matt said that he will remove the virus after the next 24 hours, so Persephone Brimstone will be stuck in her flying mobile fortress for a day. Matt also relished with the fact that he managed to outsmart his rival, the FBI Agent—now MAYHEM’s—Agent Kensington.

And while Lyssa was a little bit sad that MAYHEM’s Agents—including Pierce— will also be stuck with their Boss and couldn’t do their missions, she’s not that callous to everyone in Steelport that still threatened by LEGION's presences as she sent her Saints to patrol around the city, killing LEGION’s troopers they meet.


	5. A LEGION came knocking

Lyssa was in her car as she browsed through the Saintsbook. She had gotten new clients for Assassination, new requests for Vehicle Thefts, and... some pervs kept challenged her to streaking around town for 30 whole minutes.

She rolled her eyes at this as she simply blocked them.

“Maybe I could do some Assassination request for today.” She mumbled to herself. She became a little bit paranoid now, ever since Persephone Brimstone started to put more effort in trying to recruit her. Lyssa had been in more places in a day and never in the same spot for too long lest Brimstone decided to appear. The Saints had been tasked to fortify the Penthouse and now it became more of a fortress instead of a living home. Lyssa was somewhere near the city park, trying to hide from any black limo—or any MAYHEM’s vehicles that passed her.

Lyssa has several clients. Her clients for Assassination missions are the ones that she had taken their requests for years ever since she left Stilwater. Always same people, sometimes there are new ones. She had no idea whether ‘A Concerned Citizen’ is considered the same person or several folks that taken the same name.

**_From: DJ Vangela_ **

**_Subject: Stop This Dj From Spinning_ **

_I can't take it anymore! That trance crap Enigmus plays is messin' with my groove! Go to Salander and blast some K12 from your radio, that'll get her out. Then end her!_

**_From: Saint Rocco_ **

**_Subject: Lite 'Em Up_ **

_This one's personal. Mike's a fireman who tried to burn down my poker den back in Stilwater. Now he's hiding from his debts in Steelport. Go to Rosen Oaks and activate 911 - Emergency in your contact list and he and his new coworkers'll show._

**_From: Mr. Bright_ **

**_Subject: See that guy over there?_ **

_I’ve been followed by this moron for weeks now while I was taking a walk on the park, and no matter how many times I told him off, he’s still coming back! Go to Sunset Park and wait in the spot near the bridge, his favorite spot. Eliminate him and make sure he died for good! I can’t take this anymore!_

“Huh, looks like I’ll just do Mr.Bright’s order now. I happen to be in Downtown.” Lyssa muttered.

That is until her car got rammed by LEGION truck!

“Soldier, look! It’s one of the MAYHEM!” A Helltrooper shouted.

“Let’s kill her!!” the other agreed.

Lyssa’s eyes widened. “WHAT THE FUCK?! I’M NOT A MAYHEM!!”

“Oh please... you wear purple, and your car has one of those MAYHEM’s insignia. You also brought weapons. So, you’re a MAYHEM’s Agents!” The LEGION trooper deduced.

Lyssa just rolled her eyes in annoyance as she returns the attack by shooting them with her K-8 Krukov. “That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard! I’m from **Third Street Saints** , you prick! Not **MAYHEM**!”

They didn’t cease their attacks, instead keep bombarding her with their grenades and more laser.

“I fuckin’ hate Brimstone...” Lyssa growled as she proceeds to shoot a LEGION trooper right to his head. “None of this would happen to me, if she didn’t just use the same color and symbol with my gang’s color and symbol!!”

She definitely needs to put a patent on the Saints’s purple and fleur-de-lys! Maybe she will be able to sue Brimstone for using them without her permission.

She drove her car on the opposite lane as she also tried to shoot the LEGION that chasing her throughout the street, still deluded as ever.

“The MAYHEM trying to get away! GET HER!”

“LET’S KILL MAYHEM!”

Lyssa gritted her teeth as she could hear her car was attacked mercilessly by those nutjobs in the shining suit. “Fucking hell!”

She then swerved her car to the Sunset Park, where some civilians can be heard screaming as they tried to dodge from her reckless driving and LEGION still trying to get her with their overly big weapons.

 _‘Must be overcompensating for something.’_ Lyssa thought as she looks at their weaponry.

Her car had accidentally hit someone near the park’s bridge, but she doesn’t care as people keep screaming.

“SHOOT HER! SHOOT HER!”

“STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I’M NOT MAYHEM!” Lyssa screamed back.

She drove pass some people that having a picnic, managed to get at least one LEGION vehicle launched to the park’s pond. Lyssa cackled as they swore loudly at their predicament.

“YOU LEGION ARE FUCKIN’ LOSERS!! BYE!” Lyssa shouted as drove her car away from the other LEGION vehicles, by driving it straight to some nearby gas station. She smirked as she saw the LEGION also followed her as well, and right at the last second, she immediately steered her vehicle away from the station before she could ram the gas pump.

“Wait, where did she—”

“OH FUCK!! LOOK OUT!”

And two more LEGION vehicles rammed the gas station and explode in one of the best fire explosions Lyssa had ever seen.

“...and that’s how to dispose LEGION properly.” Lyssa smiled as she drove away from the chaos she had caused. Let the _real_ MAYHEM’s Agents deal them!

She should’ve brought her Saints with her. She wouldn’t have to be chased by LEGION around the town if she isn’t alone and with more guns.

She looked at her Saintsbook back and was happy that she actually killed her target when she rode past Sunset Park! Must be the one she hit with her vehicle near the bridge now that she thought about it. On the email, Mr. Bright praised her for another job well done and even gave her a bonus for efficiency.

“I love my job.” Lyssa smiled.

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

Persephone frowned as she saw the destruction around the Sunset Park. She had gotten an info from her intel that Ms. Thorne was around the park when LEGION suddenly attacks and looks like she won. Persephone was irritated that she had missed whatever happen in the Steelport’s Downtown.

“No matter. Sooner or later, Ms. Thorne will realize how childish her action will be if she keeps refusing MAYHEM’s protection,” Persephone murmured. “her street gang will not be able to protect her for so long.”

Unknown to Persephone, someone is secretly keeping an eye on her from a far.


	6. Yo! There's a Party Goin' On.

It was one fine morning...

 ***SMASH!*** “Lys! Hurry up!” Shaundi shouted as she slammed the door. “The party is about to start without you and our guests are here. Come on!”

“In a minute!” Lyssa shouted back as she finished her make up. “Okay! I’m ready. Tell the Saints to welcome our guests.”

“Already did. That’s why I called you now,” Shaundi then gestured to the penthouse’s main hall. “The others are here and currently waiting for you, the birthday girl.”

“Is everyone here already?” Lyssa asked. Her question was worded to means that Lyssa wants to know if there are one or two guests from the Saints’ invitation list that are not here. Shaundi quickly understood the wording as she replied,

“Viola isn’t arrived yet, trouble in Carver Island. Price was heavily wounded after the latest LEGION’s ambush and currently hospitalized. And Donnie was currently busy with our Chop Shop business—apparently selling some abandoned LEGION’s vehicles gained us more profit in the black market. We will be filthy rich by the time MAYHEM won against LEGION.” Shaundi explained.

“What kind of trouble Viola ran into?”

Shaundi frowned. “Those LEGION assholes. I don’t know why they began to seriously attack us, but Viola and our Saints are engaged in a fight against them.”

Lyssa just shook her head. “Ever since last week since I trashed them in Downtown, they seem to be more convinced that the Saints are part of MAYHEM. What about Price? Why LEGION wants to attack the VK? I can see LEGION attacking us because they mistook our gang coloring as MAYHEM, but _yellow_ Stilwater Vice Kings?”

“Lys, Pierce **is** one of the MAYHEM’s agent, remember? Since he is the gang leader for the Vice Kings, it’s a valid reason for LEGION to attack them.”

“Oh right,” Lyssa face palmed. “well, I guess we can start my birthday party now.”

* * *

“And here comes our birthday girl!” Pierce greeted to Lyssa. “Happy birthday, Lys.”

“Thanks, Pierce. I’m glad that you actually took your time to be here!” Lyssa stated. “How do you able to escape from Brimstone’s watchful eyes?”

“I just teleported away from the ARK,” Pierce shrugged. “according to Friday, Persephone has some business to attend to, which is why she’s not in the ARK when I left.”

Lyssa looked worried at that statement. “Business? Do you think Persephone is about to come here?”

That finally worried Pierce. “Um, no. I don’t know. If that happens, shit, Persephone will skin me alive if she finds out that I already know you and not trying to help her in recruiting you.”

“Yeah... I,” Suddenly Lyssa’s eyes widened. “Pierce, did you just bring a FUCKING WHOLE GROUP OF WHORES HERE?”

Pierce only looked sheepish. “Well, it’s a party and you know what they say about parties and strip poles...”

Lyssa just looked at Pierce, neutrally.

“It’s all Pierce’s idea, honest! I don’t even want to bring my girls here.” she could hear Tanya trying to defend herself against Shaundi’s fury in the background. Some of the other guests enjoyed the ‘extra’ entertainment though.

“GODDAMNIT PIERCE! DON’T YOU REMEMBER THAT ‘TROJAN WHORES’ INCIDENT?!” Shaundi screamed as she jumped to attack Pierce instead. Tanya sighed in relief as she’s no longer the target.

“Mommy!!” Pierce cried as he jumped away to the penthouse swimming pool. Everyone laughed as they watched the silly antic of Shaundi trying to smother Pierce into the pool. Some even captured the moment with their smartphones.

“Oh hey, Tanya,” Lyssa hugged her old friend. “how’s Stilwater?”

“Same old, same old,” Tanya smirked. “Business is fine as usual. But the LEGION’s threats will be the big problem though.” She frowned, thinking of how many of their VK lives in Stilwater lost after that Devil’s Night event.

Lyssa sighed. “I really don’t understand what’s with evil guys and their obsession with world domination. Why can’t they—I don’t know, just smoke Loa Dust and chill? Loa Dust is pretty good in the market you know.”

Tanya snorted. “Don’t let Shaundi hears you say that. She’s currently trying to go clean.”

Lyssa then proceed to greet more guest, one of them is another old friend of hers, Lin. The Asian girl currently snickering about something.

“Hey Lys, you’ve seen what Luz currently wearing today?”

“Oh no...” Lyssa tried to hold her laugh. “what? What kind of out of season fashion she’s wearing today?”

Lin gestured to their subject of conversation (chatting with Angelo and—an annoyed Warren). “Look at her. To think, that shoes with _that_ top.”

“I heard that!” An irritated Luz suddenly turned to face them. Lin and Lyssa are almost in tears.

* * *

_Outside the Saints’ Penthouse..._

Persephone huffed as she saw bright lights from the tallest level of the tall building. She just gotten intel where Ms. Thorne is currently holding a big party and possibly will be in the building all day.

“Back in my day, parties like that usually to showcase the host’s power and influence,” Persephone muttered—but smirked as she remembered that she herself had once throw a party like that. Invites only and it was the grandest thing that ever happened in Paris. It was to celebrate... Persephone actually forgot what kind of celebration that party for.

 _‘No matter. A unique talented individual like Ms. Lyssa Thorne should not be wasted to LEGION.’_ She thought as she entered the building or attempted to as there was a huge line of crowds into it!

* * *

“Chug! Chug!” Lyssa chanted along with the others as they watched Tony, Victor, and Angel de la Muerte (begrudgingly) having a drinking contest. The drinks thankfully non-alcohol, but it was the new energy drink called ‘The Saints Flow’, with the large amount of sugar that enough to kill an entire population in Texas. So basically it still dangerous than using the actual alcohol.

“How in the world we have an energy drink named after us?” Lin asked.

“Oh, Lys had secured a partnership with Ultor Media Group two days ago. Now we can have our own line of merchandise as another of our legal business.” Shaundi explained.

“Wait, what?!” Lin’s eyes widened. “How that happened?”

“We have Pierce to convince Ultor that The Third Street Saints is ‘brandable’,” Shaundi did air quote on that. “I think its more of Ultor had enough sense to see that our gang is more effective against LEGION than MAYHEM can ever do. They probably going to have us as their backup plan in case MAYHEM failed.”

“... that isn’t have something to do with Lys wanting to make legal case against MAYHEM for using the Saints’ coloring and symbol, is it?” Lin raised her eyebrows.

“That too.”

Lin groaned. Sometimes their Boss can be overly dramatic and over the top. “Huh? Shaundi, who is that guy?” She asked as she saw someone she never sees before in the party.

“Which one?”

“That guy sitting in the corner, sipping a punch.”

“Lin, be more descriptive...”

“Him! The one in that tasty black suit, brown haired with sexy stubble, and looks like a hunk!”

Shaundi snorted. “I hope Donnie didn’t hear you say that—wait, who’s that? We didn’t invite him.”

Lin now looked worried. “Shit, we have an intruder. We better tell Boss.”

Luckily, Lyssa happened to walk to them, drinking that godawful energy drink. “Better tell me what?”

Shaundi discreetly nudged Lyssa to see their intruder. “That guy over there. He’s not on our list and he’s not one of the VKs or our Saints.”

“Shaundi, be more descriptive...”

“The guy in that tasty black suit, brown haired with sexy stubble, and looks like a hunk!”

Lin snorted. “Shaundi, did you just use the description _I_ made about him?”

“I’ve got to admit, your description about him is spot on.” Shaundi admitted. “Wonder how big that guy is?”

“I’ll guess 8 and a half—”

“Girls! Focus!” Lyssa snapped her finger to gain their attention. “That guy probably a LEGION spy!”

That sobered both Lin and Shaundi. “Shit!”

“What should we do?” Shaundi was the first to recover.

“We better calm down and don’t let our guests know something is wrong. Bring Pierce, as he is the MAYHEM agent. We’re going to approach him and hear what he wants.”

“Good plan, I’ll tell Pierce.” Lin nodded at the solid plan.

* * *

“Hey, what’s this I heard about LEGION spy?” Pierce asked, seriously. He’s not fooling around now. This has become a MAYHEM business once LEGION got involved.

“He’s over there,” Lyssa pointed out. “the guy in that tasty black suit, brown haired with sexy stubble, and looks like a hunk.”

Shaundi and Lin snickered. Pierce just raised his eyebrows.

“Right... as if I want to know why you girls—oh fuck!”

“What? What’s wrong?” Lyssa now dreading.

“That’s not just a LEGION spy. That’s a LEGION _Minister!_ Lucas Brimstone, Minister of Envy!”

“Fucking hell!” Lyssa cussed. “Wait, hold up—what did you say? Lucas _Brimstone_?”

“Yep.”

“What kind of relation that guy has with Persephone _Brimstone_?”

Pierce grimaced. “He’s her ex-husband.”

_* cue cricket noises*_

Lin sighed. “He’s probably _smaller_ than I thought, if Ms. – I mean, _Mrs._ Brimstone herself divorced him.”

“Not important, Lin!” Lyssa snapped. “also, wouldn’t that make him way, _way_ older than all of us here?”

Their faces suddenly turned green as if wanting to puke after that statement.

“Okay, Pierce, you’re with me. We’re going to confront Mr. Brimstone and see what he wants. If he’s a threat...”

Pierce nodded. “I’ll contact my team, the Firing Squad as my backup and attempt to capture him.”

“Capture?” Shaundi looked confused. “Why not just kill him?”

“Persephone wants him alive.” Pierce explained.

“Isn’t that interesting...” Lyssa looked like she was contemplating this new info. Maybe she can set a conflict between him and Persephone?

* * *

Lyssa stomped over to meet Mr. Brimstone—followed by an equal pissed off Pierce, who looked ready to shoot the older guy in the face with his SMG.

“You! What are doing here you, filthy LEGION scum?” Lyssa spat out to Brimstone’s amusement. “Trying to crash my party? Trying to recruit me and my gang to your stupid evil empire? Or are you here to kill us?”

Lucas Brimstone just sipped his drink and smirked. “No, I’m here for the party.”

Pierce gripped the holster of his weapon. “And why’s that?”

“I heard my ex-wife is going to come to your party.” He simply said.

Lyssa groaned at that, while Pierce turned pale. “That lady again? Can she ever get the clue?”

“Wait? So... you’re here just to see Persephone? Not trying to recruit us? Not trying to kill us? What the hell? Are you trying to say that you're actually trying to get back with your ex-wife or something?”

Lucas didn’t answer, but that actually put some huge conclusion into Lyssa’s head as she finally realized something.

“WAIT, WHAAAATTT?”

* * *

Persephone frowned as she was stuck with the great amount of people in the elevator. And why she had a foreboding feeling that Lyssa Thorne is about to do something that will make Persephone finally giving up on her attempt to recruit the girl?

* * *

_One explanation, one snickering and giggling, and one negotiation later..._

“Look, none of us here wants anything to do with your group and your ex-wife group. We just want to do our businesses without any interference.” Lyssa explained.

“I can tell my Ministry not to attack your gang and the Vice Kings,” Lucas nodded. “but I can’t say the same about the other 6 Ministries.”

“That’s okay. It’s better to have one less branch to attack us.” Shaundi said, followed by the sounds of agreement by the Saints and the VKs.

“in return, we will... sort of... set you up with Persephone,” Pierce stated. “Man, I hope Persephone doesn’t kill me if she finds out about it.”

“Or kill me,” Lyssa quipped. “wait, that actually sounds better than actually work for her.”

“Lyssa, no. You’re not suicidal and don't you fucking dare to try that.” Tanya said.

“Fine.”

“And you can continue to do jobs I give you.” Lucas added.

“Ye—wait, jobs? I never done any works for you.”

“I am one of your clients. I’m also known as ‘Mr. Bright’.”

“That was you?!!” Lyssa gaped. “Holy wacklemore! My client is a LEGION fricking Minister! I had killed people for LEGION!”

“Oh crap!” Shaundi and everyone in the party dramatically gasped. Except Angel, who just choose to scowled.

Lucas just shook his head. “No, I never give you targets that benefited to LEGION. All the targets are chosen randomly. It’s always interesting to see young generation these days can come up with some unique ways to assassinate the targets and how they fulfilled their additional objective.”

Lyssa grumbled as she remembered that one of the additional objectives on one of the Assassination jobs happen to be her to wear some mascot outfit and driving on a golf cart to kill a guy... also driving on a golf cart.

“Looks like we’ve got ourselves a deal,” Lyssa shook her hand with his. “don’t make me regret this.”

“I never betray the deals I made,” Lucas said. “well except that time when I lost my bet in strip poker with Persephone.”

“That’s too much information.” Lin muttered, looking green again. Naked old people... *shudders*

Lyssa then turned to everyone in her party. “Everyone! Change of plan! We’re moving the party to Broken Shillelagh! TO THE HELIPAD Y'ALL!”

The party guests were cheering, before they rush out to the Penthouse’s helipad.

Lucas Brimstone just shook his head, amused at how easily young people these days get excited. Lyssa Thorne seems to enjoy playing pranks at his ex-wife as he realized exactly what the Saints’ Boss’s true intention of moving her party outside.

* * *

Persephone finally arrived at the Penthouse floor, only to find it empty and not a single person there.

 _“MERDE!”_ Persephone cursed as she realized that she had been outwitted by Thorne again.


End file.
